What Happens When You’re Always Last on Your Own List?
When was the last time you did something purely for yourself?
For many women, particularly in the busy middle years of life, it can become incredibly easy to put our own needs somewhere near the bottom of the list.
There’s work, family, relationships, a home to manage, people who need us and an endless stream of things that need our attention. And somewhere amongst all of that, looking after ourselves can start to feel like something we’ll get to when everything else is done.
Except, of course, everything else is rarely done.
And when we continually put ourselves last, eventually we can start to feel it. We might be more tired, impatient or disconnected. We might stop doing some of the things that make us feel most like ourselves. Sometimes we can become so used to getting on with life that we don’t even notice how far down our own priority list we’ve slipped.
Making space for yourself isn’t about caring less for everyone else. It’s about remembering that your wellbeing belongs in the picture too.
Putting Yourself First Doesn’t Mean Putting Everyone Else Second
I think this distinction is really important.
Prioritising yourself doesn’t mean abandoning your responsibilities, ignoring the people you love or suddenly making every decision around what you want.
It can simply mean recognising that your needs matter too.
When we continually give without taking time to replenish ourselves, eventually we can start running on empty. We might even find ourselves feeling resentful towards the very people we love and want to be there for. But when we make space for our own wellbeing — physically, mentally and emotionally — we give ourselves the opportunity to restore some of that energy.
It’s that idea of filling your own cup. And when we do, we may find we can show up as better versions of ourselves — more present with the people we love, more patient when life gets challenging and more connected to ourselves and what we need.
There can be a ripple effect too. When the people around us see us valuing our health, setting boundaries, making time for things we enjoy and taking our own needs seriously, we’re also showing them that their wellbeing matters.
This is something I explore in Worthy & Wealthy, because our wellbeing is such an important part of creating a life we genuinely love. A fulfilling life isn’t only about what we achieve or accumulate. It’s also about how we feel, how we care for our minds and bodies, the relationships and experiences we have, and whether there is actually space in our lives to enjoy them.
Perhaps it’s time to stop wearing busyness as a badge of honour and give yourself permission to put your own name back on the list.
Self-Care Doesn’t Have to Take Hours
And putting yourself back on the list doesn’t have to mean finding hours you don’t have or booking yourself in for a day at the spa.
Sometimes, 15 minutes might be enough.
I spoke about this with Wendy Pitts Reeves on the It’s a Mindset podcast — the idea of a simple 15-minute fix. It could be as simple as giving yourself an extra 15 minutes before the demands of the day begin and using that time for you.
For me, that means setting my alarm 15 minutes earlier than I need to get up and using that time for meditation, journalling and gratitude. For you, it might be drinking a cup of tea in peace, stepping outside into nature, doing some gentle stretching, taking a quick walk, grounding yourself or simply enjoying a few quiet minutes before everyone else needs something from you.
And it doesn’t have to happen in the morning. The point isn’t the time of day or even what you do with it.
Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate to count.
Fifteen minutes might not sound like much, but it’s 15 minutes in which you’re intentionally making room for yourself. And sometimes that small shift can be a really lovely place to begin.
Self-Care Is Personal — and It Changes With You
There isn’t one perfect self-care routine — and I don’t think there needs to be.
What supports me may be completely different from what supports you. And what you need now may be different from what you needed five years ago, or even last week.
Sometimes self-care is doing something for yourself. Sometimes it’s choosing not to do something. It might mean setting a boundary, saying no, asking for help, spending less time with people who drain your energy or making more time for the relationships and experiences that nourish you.
Our wellbeing is personal, and the way we care for ourselves can — and should — evolve as our lives and circumstances change.
So rather than giving yourself another list of things you should be doing, perhaps a better place to begin is simply to ask:
What do I need today?
And then listen to the answer.
Making Space for What Matters to You
For me, this is where self-care becomes part of something bigger.
It’s not just about finding 15 minutes for yourself. It’s about staying connected to yourself — your values, your wellbeing, the people you love and the things that make your life feel meaningful.
There will be seasons when there genuinely isn’t much space. There will be times when work needs more from you, your family needs you or life simply feels full.
I don’t think the answer is perfect balance. I prefer to think about it as creating greater harmony.
Not every part of our lives needs equal time and attention all the time. Some things will naturally need more of us at different stages. For me, harmony is about staying connected to the bigger picture — noticing when the way we’re living has moved too far away from what we need and what matters to us, and giving ourselves permission to make an adjustment.
Sometimes that adjustment will be small. At other times, it might mean making more space for your health, reconnecting with people or interests you’ve missed, trying something new or reconsidering what you want from this season of your life.
And sometimes it might prompt a bigger question:
What do I actually want my life to look and feel like now?
You don’t need to have the answer immediately.
Sometimes creating enough space to hear yourself again is the first step.
A Simple Place to Begin
If you’ve realised that you’ve slipped a little too far down your own priority list, my free 7-Day Self-Care Challenge is a simple way to begin making some space for yourself again.
And if the questions coming up for you feel bigger than self-care — perhaps you’re wondering what matters to you now, what you want more or less of, or what you’d like the next chapter of your life to look like — my three-month Become the Butterfly coaching experience gives you personalised space to explore that.
Because putting yourself first isn’t about becoming more selfish.
It’s about making sure you’re included in the life you’re so busy creating.
Emma x
