Episode 112: The 500 Lunches Effect: Why Action Comes Before Confidence with Nick Bendel
What might become possible if you stopped waiting to feel confident and acted first?
We often assume confidence is something we need before we introduce ourselves, ask a question, extend an invitation or pursue an opportunity. But what if confidence is actually created by doing the very things that make us uncomfortable?
In this episode of It’s a Mindset, I’m joined by speaker, author and social courage expert Nick Bendel. In August 2019, Nick began an ambitious project to have lunch with 500 strangers. What started as a way for a natural introvert to improve his social skills and build relationships became a six-year exploration of courage, confidence, rejection and human connection.
The project eventually inspired his book, The 500 Lunches Effect: How Social Courage Changes Everything. I was immediately intrigued by Nick’s story. I certainly enjoy a long lunch, but meeting 500 strangers is an entirely different proposition. I wanted to understand what compelled him to begin, what kept him going and what he discovered through talking to people from vastly different professions, ages and backgrounds.
Nick explains that social courage means taking action when we don’t feel completely ready or when we risk being judged, rejected, criticised or embarrassed. It might involve asking for a promotion, speaking in front of an audience, approaching someone at an event or inviting somebody on a date. We explore why fear of another person’s reaction can create hesitation, how easily we turn rejection into a judgement about our worth and why somebody else’s “no” is generally far less personal than we imagine.
Nick also shares practical ways to make social connection feel less intimidating. We don’t need a brilliant opening line or an impressive story. A simple introduction, genuine curiosity and thoughtful listening can be enough to begin a meaningful conversation.
Our conversation moves beyond networking to consider the deeper importance of human connection. In a world where so much communication now occurs digitally, it is possible to move through our days surrounded by people without truly connecting with any of them.
Nick’s experience is an invitation to become a little more courageous, a little more curious and more willing to take the small social risks that can open the door to new relationships and opportunities.
Key Episode Takeaways:
- Confidence follows action. Waiting until we feel confident can keep us stuck indefinitely. Confidence grows when we take action despite feeling uncertain or uncomfortable.
- Social courage is personal. Speaking publicly may feel natural to one person and terrifying to another. Courage isn’t determined by the action itself, but by what taking that action requires from the individual.
- Rejection is rarely the judgement we imagine it to be. Someone may decline an invitation because of their time, responsibilities or insecurities. Their answer does not automatically say anything about our worth.
- We don’t need to be particularly clever to begin a conversation. A simple introduction and genuine interest in another person can be far more effective than trying to deliver the perfect opening line.
- Listening helps people feel valued. Asking thoughtful questions and giving someone room to share what matters to them can create stronger rapport than dominating a conversation.
- An imperfect plan can produce meaningful progress. Social courage doesn’t require an enormous leap. Choosing the smallest realistic step and building from there makes change more sustainable.
- Connection is an important part of success. Money, status and achievement can feel hollow without meaningful friendships and relationships in our lives.
About the Guest:
Nick Bendel is a speaker, author and social courage expert who helps people overcome hesitation and create more opportunities in their careers and lives.
He is the author of The 500 Lunches Effect: How Social Courage Changes Everything, based on his six-year project to have lunch with 500 strangers. Drawing on his background as a journalist and business owner, Nick explores how small acts of social courage shape relationships, confidence and success. He speaks and writes about social courage, networking, confidence, personal growth and the hidden role hesitation plays in human potential.
Show Resources:
Visit Nick’s website: https://www.nickbendel.com
Connect with Nick on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-bendel
Follow Nick on Instagram: @mrnickbendel
Follow Emma Lagerlow on Instagram: @emmalagerlow
Discover more about Emma and her work: https://www.emmalagerlow.com/
If you LOVED this episode, make sure you share it on your Instagram Stories and tag us at @emmalagerlow and @mrnickbendel.
Yours in courage and connection, Emma. X.
