Episode 106: When Holding It Together Becomes Too Much: Burnout, ADHD & Self-Sacrifice with Pam Espin
Have you ever looked like you were holding everything together on the outside, while underneath it all you were completely overwhelmed?
For so many women, being capable, reliable and the person everyone can depend on becomes part of our identity. We keep going, keep giving and keep meeting everyone else’s needs — sometimes without realising just how depleted we’ve become ourselves.
In this episode of It’s a Mindset, I’m joined by Accredited Mental Health Social Worker, Counsellor and author Pam Espin, founder of Beyond Purpose Therapy and author of Not Built to Break: How to Stop Surviving and Lead from Wholeness.
Pam has a wealth of knowledge across so many areas, and I loved having the opportunity to explore just a few of them in this conversation. Together, we unpack the roots and symptoms of burnout and why simply treating what we see on the surface may not address what’s really going on underneath. We explore women’s tendency towards self-sacrifice, the importance of understanding and allowing our emotions rather than labelling them as “good” or “bad”, and Pam’s Trifecta Method for understanding where we may be carrying our survival load.
We also delve into the late diagnosis of ADHD in women — why it can go unrecognised for so long, what receiving a diagnosis can mean, and how years of trying to meet expectations while navigating life differently can take their toll.
At the heart of our conversation is an idea that beautifully reflects Pam’s work and her book: we weren’t built simply to survive our lives. Sometimes there is value in becoming curious about what’s actually happening beneath the surface rather than continually trying harder, pushing through or becoming better at coping.
This is such an insightful conversation about burnout, emotional wellbeing, neurodivergence, self-sacrifice and what it can mean to move beyond survival mode towards greater understanding and wholeness.
Key Takeaways:
- Burnout is about more than feeling tired. Pam explores some of the deeper roots and symptoms of burnout and why it’s important to understand what may be driving our exhaustion rather than simply finding new ways to push through it.
- Women can become conditioned to self-sacrifice. Constantly prioritising the needs and expectations of others can come at a cost, particularly when we lose connection with our own needs in the process.
- There are no “good” or “bad” emotions. Our emotions provide us with information, and learning to experience and understand them without judgement can change the way we relate to ourselves.
- Pam’s Trifecta Method helps us look beneath the surface. We explore how Pam uses this framework to understand where our survival load may be showing up across the mind, body and heart.
- ADHD can present differently in women and remain unrecognised until later in life. Pam shares insights into late diagnosis and what understanding your neurodivergence can mean for the way you make sense of your past and move forward.
- We weren’t built simply to survive. Pam’s work and her book Not Built to Break explore what can happen when we move beyond coping and survival mode and begin addressing the deeper patterns underneath them.
About the Guest:
Pam Espin is an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and Counsellor, author and founder of Beyond Purpose Therapy, a telehealth-based practice providing trauma-informed therapy to adults across NSW, Queensland, the ACT and Victoria. Pam works particularly with people who may appear capable, responsible and high-functioning on the outside while internally navigating burnout, emotional exhaustion, ADHD-related overwhelm, unresolved trauma or long-standing stress responses.
Her integrative, trauma-informed approach draws on EMDR, Schema Therapy and somatic approaches, with an emphasis on emotional safety, nervous system regulation and addressing underlying patterns rather than focusing solely on symptom management. Pam is the author of Not Built to Break: How to Stop Surviving and Lead from Wholeness and host of The Burnout Recovery Podcast. Through her therapy, writing and conversations, she encourages people to move beyond simply coping and develop a deeper understanding of the patterns keeping them in survival mode. Pam’s work is grounded in the belief that healing doesn’t come from pushing harder or performing better, but through support, understanding and creating enough safety to begin to soften.
Show Resources:
Follow Pam on Instagram: @pam_espin
Check Out Pam's Website: https://beyondpurposetherapy.com/
Learn More About Pam's Book: https://www.amazon.com.au/Not-Built-Break-surviving-wholeness/dp/1764551192
Follow Emma on Instagram: @emmalagerlow
Check Out Emma's Website: https://www.emmalagerlow.com/
If you LOVED this episode, make sure you share it on your Instagram Stories and tag us @emmalagerlow and @pam_espin.
Yours in Wholeness, Emma. X.
