Episode 115: The Conversations We Avoid: Getting Better at Conflict with Tim Duggan
Have you ever held back what you really wanted to say because you were worried about how the conversation might go?
The concern you leave unspoken. The disagreement you brush aside. The conversation you keep rehearsing in your head, but never quite begin.
In this episode of It’s a Mindset, I’m joined by Tim Duggan, author, founder and optimist, to explore how we can get better at conflict and approach difficult conversations with more intention.
Tim co-founded Junkee Media and writes a weekly column on work for The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age. His latest book, Clear in Tension: How to Get Better at Conflict, grew from his own experience of avoiding conflict and his curiosity about how we can learn to handle it differently.
We explore why we swallow our words, how trust and values shape disagreements, and what it means to listen generously when we’re tempted to jump in with our own answer. Tim introduces his Four Terrains of Conflict and CLEAR method, offering ways to better understand the situation we’re in before deciding how to respond.
Our conversation also takes us into creativity, making space to think, and the choices we make around AI. Tim shares why he uses it for some tasks while protecting the writing and thinking he values doing himself, including the uncomfortable work of a personal apology.
After researching Tim, I was looking forward to hearing how to lean into conflict rather than avoid it, and it didn’t disappoint. He’s a master communicator, and I particularly enjoyed his reflections around AI. There’s plenty here to consider in our relationships, our work and the conversations we’ve been putting off.
Key Episode Takeaways:
Getting better at conflict takes practice. Starting with lower-stakes conversations can help us build familiarity with the discomfort and prepare for more difficult moments.
Trust and values shape how disagreement feels. Tim’s Four Terrains of Conflict offer a way to understand why some conversations allow a productive exchange of ideas while others feel much harder to navigate.
Listening generously means noticing the urge to interrupt or solve. Tim’s CLEAR method invites us to clarify what matters, listen generously, explore what’s underneath, align on a shared direction and reset our story.
Resolution is one possible outcome. Tim also explores what it means to repeat or release a conflict, and why recognising these possibilities can change how we approach it.
Choosing which disagreements deserve our energy matters. Understanding what is important can help us be more intentional about the conversations we take on.
AI raises questions about the skills we want to keep practising. Tim shares his concerns about outsourcing the effort involved in writing, thinking and making a meaningful apology.
About the Guest:
Tim Duggan is an author, founder and optimist. He co-founded Junkee Media, is the Chair of the Digital Publishers Alliance and writes a weekly column on work for The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age.
His work explores complex ideas about how we live and work. His latest book, Clear in Tension: How to Get Better at Conflict, draws on his research into disagreement and communication, alongside his own experience of learning to approach conflict.
Show Resources:
Explore Tim’s book, Clear in Tension
Read Tim’s writing on Substack
Follow Tim on Instagram: @tim_duggan
Follow Emma on Instagram: @emmalagerlow
If you LOVED this episode, make sure you share it on your Instagram Stories and tag us @emmalagerlow and @tim_duggan. I’d love to hear what stayed with you.
Yours in courageous conversations, Emma. X.
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